Ami Shroyer: Facts and Tips in Coping with Grief and Loss
We all know that human beings are mortal beings, and some come and go. The five stages of grief for death and dying include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A person grieving may report more stages, while others may not experience all stages mentioned here, it is because grief is subjective and nature, and it is a unique experience. The first stage of grief is denial, wherein the world becomes overwhelming and meaningless, leaving someone in the state of shock. There is actually grace in denial because this is how we compensate for our loss, letting and allowing in only as much as we can deal with. As you become stronger, the denial stage will start to fade.
It is acceptable to feel anger after the denial stage, and this is a normal element of the grief’s healing process. Anger results to crying, shouting, and physically harming yourself and others, and this is a normal stage of the healing process, but you must be careful hurting yourself and other people with your seemingly limitless anger. Some people blame other people for the loss of their loved ones such as doctors, family, friends, relatives, and even God. With the pain caused by a loved one’s loss, we may feel deserted and abandoned. Anger becomes your bridge to the open sea, giving you a structure from the empty denial stage, so you tend to become angry towards a relative who did not attend the funeral or the doctor who attended to your loved one when he was sick. The anger stage shows how intensity your love is to your loved one. The third stage is the bargaining stage, and before the loss, a person seems like to do anything to spare their loved one’s life. There are many “what if” statements in the bargaining stage and this stage may last for weeks or months, and the person may blame himself for his loved one’s death. You feel that negotiation is possible, and you keep thinking the things you could have done for your loved one.
The depressive stage seems to last forever, this is accepting the reality that you have lost your loved one and his life will no longer be restored. While there are people who get too depressed, this is not a sign of mental illness, it is a normal response to a great loss. Once depression is over, you enter the acceptance stage and starting to do daily activities and socialize with other people again.